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Friday, November 4, 2011

Transcript: "Who Killed Muhammad?" by David Wood


Uploaded by on Oct 29, 2011

David: Hello? I'd like to report a murder.
(listens)
David: His name? Muhammad. Muhammad ibn Abdullah.
(listens)
David: I think he was poisoned.
(listens)
David: No, he's the prophet of Islam.
(listens)
David: Well, it was almost 14 centuries ago, but don't you, guys, have a cold case file or something?
(listens)
David: Not for that long ago! Don't you know how important this case is?! I've got Sunnis telling me a Jewish woman poisoned him. I've got Shias telling me Aisha poisoned him, and I wanna know who killed.. Hello? (snorts) She hung up.

I guess I'll have to solve this one myself—through a careful investigation of the Muslim sources.

By the way, to all my Muslim friends out there who didn't bother to read your most trusted sources, may I say in advance: Mua ha ha.




Okay, I've been through the Qur'an, the hadith, and the sira literature, and I think I've solved the mystery of Muhammad's death. It's actually pretty straightforward. The Muslim sources tell us that Muhammad was poisoned. All we have to do is take everything we know about how Muhammad was killed, and ask ourselves who would've killed him in that particular way. Police do this sort of thing everyday. They match up a bullet with the gun that fired the bullet. They match up fingerprints with the finger [of the person] who left the fingerprints. They match up details of a crime with the criminal who has a certain M.O. So to figure out who killed Muhammad, we just need to do a little profiling.

(Video clip:
Accused: But the fact remains you can't prove that I did it. It could've been anybody!
Colombo: It can only be you—by your own admission!)

The main difficulty we face is that lots of people wanted to kill Muhammad. The pagans wanted to kill him for conquering their cities, smashing their idols, slaughtering their men , raping their women, and enslaving their children. Jews wanted to kill them for seizing their land, destroying their communities, slaughtering their men , raping their women, and enslaving their children. Christians wanted to kill him for threatening to conquer them. Men wanted to kill him. Women wanted to kill him. Old people wanted to kill him. Young people wanted to kill him. Muhammad made a LOT of enemies.

(Video clip: "What's the matter Rodney?" "Ohhh, I don't get any respect at all.")

Fortunately, we can narrow down our list of suspects by ruling out people who would've killed Muhammad in some way OTHER than poisoning. Certain killers  like to strangle their victims; they're not going to use poison. Some people prefer knives. Some people set fires. Some people push their victims off cliffs. Colonel Mustard wouldn't poison anybody. He used a lead pipe in The Ballroom.

Interestingly, the Qur'an tells us how Allah would've killed Muhammad. We find Allah's M.O., his preferred method of executing prophets, in Surah 69:44 through 46. According to the Qur'an, if Muhammad were to invent a false revelation, if he were to make up verses of the Qur'an, Allah would kill him by severing his aorta. (The aorta is the large artery that comes out of the left ventricle of your heart. Some Muslim sources call it the "life artery".)

Let's look at different translations of verses 44 to 46 along with a commentary, so we can get a clear idea of what the passage is saying. The Hilali-Khan translation reads:

Qur'an 69:44-46 And if he (Muhammad) had forged a false saying concerning Us We surely should have seized him by his right hand (or with power and might), and then certainly should have cut off his life artery (aorta). [Hilali-Khan]

And in parenthesis, the translators add, "aorta". The Pickthal translation declares:

Qur-an 69:44-46 And if he had invented false sayings concerning Us, We assuredly had taken him by the right hand and then severed his life-artery. [Pickthall]

Dawood's translation reads:

Qur-an 69:44-46 Had he invented lies concerning Us, We would have seized him by the right hand and severed his heart's vein. [Dawood]

ibn Shakir renders these verses:

Qur-an 69:44-46 And if he had fabricated against Us some of the sayings, We would certainly have seized him by the right hand, then We would certainly have cut off his aorta. [Shakir]

Just so we're clear on the meaning, and no one accuses me of misrepresenting the passage, let me read one of the greatest Muslim commentaries of these verses. This is Tafsir Jalalayn:

Tafsir Jalalayn [on Qur-an 69:44-46] And had he, namely, the Prophet, fabricated any lies against Us, by communicating from Us that which We have not said, We would have assuredly seized him, We would have exacted vengeance [against him], as punishment, by the Right Hand, by [Our] strength and power; then We would have assuredly severed his life-artery, the aorta of the heart, a vein that connects with it, and which if severed results in that person's death.

So if Muhammad had been a false prophet and a liar and a deceiver, we know how Allah would've killed him—Allah would've cut his aorta. As long as no one severs Muhammad's aorta then, we can rule out Allah as a suspect.

(Video clip: "I didn't do it! Just because the blood was in my hand, doesn't mean I stabbed the man.")

Now that we've got our strategy, let's turn to our Muslim sources, so that we can put together our profile. According to Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim, and other text, Muhammad was poisoned by a Jewish woman.

Sahih al-Bukhari 2617 A Jewess brought a poisoned (cooked) sheep for the Prophet who ate from it. She was brought to the Prophet and was asked, "Shall we kill her?" He said, "No." Anas added, "I continued to see the effect of the poison on the palate of the mouth of Allah's Messenger."

People could see the effects of the poison in Muhammad's mouth. The poison apparently disfigured his palate, making his mouth look strange.

Sahih Muslim 5430 A Jewess came to Allah's Messenger with poisoned mutton and he took of what had been brought to him. (When the effects of this poison were felt by him) he called for her and asked her about that, whereupon she said, "I had determined to kill you". Thereupon he said, " Allah will never give you the power to do it."

Muhammad tells this woman, "Allah will never allow you to kill me!" I guess Muhammad didn't know Allah very well, because the poison ultimately did kill him.

In case you're wondering why this woman wanted to poison Muhammad. She tells us in ibn Sa'd:

ibn Sa'd, p. 252 The Apostle of Allah sent for Zaynab Bint al-Harith [that's the woman who poisoned him] and said to her, " What induced you to do what you have done?" She replied, " You have done to my people what you have done. You have killed my father, my uncle, and my husband, so I said to myself, 'If you are a prophet, the foreleg will inform you; and others have said it: '"If you are a king, we will get rid of you."'

The woman poisoned Muhammad, because he slaughtered her family. I guess Louis Farrakhan got something right.

(Video clip: "But as a man soweth, the same shall he also reap. And that's why Jesus told Peter, 'Shield your sword, because those who live by the sword, will die by it.'")

But there's a plot twist here, my friends. You see, Zaynab didn't act alone. She had a co-conspirator, someone working behind the scenes pulling the strings.

Sahih al-Bukhari 4428 The Prophet in his ailment in which he died, used to say, "O Aishah! I still feel the pain caused by the food I ate at Khaibar, and at this time, I feel as if my aorta is being cut from that poison."


What's that Muhammad? Something about your aorta being cut? That's funny. I seem to recall someone telling us that if he were going to kill you for being a false prophet, he will do it by severing your aorta.

But let's keep reading.

Sunan Abu Dawud 4498 - A Jewess presented [Muhammad] at Khaibar a roasted sheep which she had poisoned. The Apostle of Allah ate of it and the people also ate. He then said, "Lift your hands (from eating), for it has informed me that it is poisoned. Bishr b. al-Bara b. Ma'rur al-Ansari died. So he (the Prophet) sent for the Jewess (and said to her), "What motivated you to do the work you have done?" She said, "If you were a prophet, it would not harm you; but if you were a king, I would rid the people of you." The Apostle of Allah then ordered regarding her and she was killed. He then said about the pain of which he died, "I continued to feel pain from the morsel which I had eaten at Khaibar. This is the time when it has cut off my aorta."

"This is the time when it has cut off my aorta."

Didn't someone tell us in the Qur'an that he would kill Muhammad by cutting his aorta? Notice the passage says that Muhammad's companion, Bishr, died from eating the poison. Interestingly, before Bishr died, he told Muhammad that as soon as he put the lamb in his mouth, he could taste the poison, but he ate it anyway because he saw Muhammad eating it. In ibn Sa'd we read:

ibn Sa'd, pp. 252-253 The Apostle of Allah took the foreleg, a piece of which he put into his mouth. Bishr ibn al-Bara took another bone and put it into his mouth. When the Apostle of Allah ate one morsel of it, Bishr ate his and other people also ate from it. Then the Apostle of Allah said, "Hold back your hands! Because this foreleg has informed me that it is poisoned." Thereupon Bishr said, "By Him Who hath made you great! I discovered it from the morsel I took. Nothing prevented me from spitting it out but the idea that I did not like to make your food unrelishing. When you had eaten what was in your mouth, I did not like to save my life after yours, and I also thought you would not have eaten it if there was something wrong." Bishr did not rise from his seat but his color changed to that of taylsan (a green cloth).

(Video clip: "Friends walk together." "La la la la")

Bishr died because he trusted Muhammad. Muhammad died, too. His pain and sickness just lasted much longer. In Sunan Abu Dawud, Muhammad even described his pain to Bishr's mother.

Sunan Abu Dawud 4449 Umm Bishr said to the Prophet during the sickness of which he died, "What do you think about your illness, Apostle of Allah? I do not think about the illness of my son except the poisoned sheep of which he had eaten with you at Khaibar." The Prophet said, "And I do not think about my illness except that. This is the time when it cut off my aorta."

There's that aorta again.

At-Tabari, p. 124 The Messenger of God said during the illness from which he died—the mother of Bishr b. al-Bara had come in to visit him—"Umm Bishr, at this very moment I feel my aorta being severed because of the food I ate with your son at Khaybar."

Okay, Muhammad, we get the point about the severed aorta.

According to Aisha, Muhammad was in total agony before his death.

Sunan ibn Majah 1622 Aishah said, "I never saw anyone suffer more pain than the Messenger of Allah"

In the end, Muhammad couldn't even walk on his own. His followers had to drag him around.

Sahih al-Bukhari 2588 Aisha said, "When the Prophet became sick and his condition became serious, he requested his wives to allow him to be treated in my house, and they allowed him. He came out leaning on two men while his feet were dragging on the ground."

Now, since the Qur'an says that if Muhammad were a false prophet, Allah would sever his aorta; and Muhammad eventually admitted that he could feel his aorta being severed. You might think we have a pretty good reason to reject Muhammad and his religion, but you're wrong. If you look more closely, you'll see that we have at least ten good reasons to reject Muhammad here.

First, think about Muhammad's argument in the Qur'an. "If I'm a false prophet Allah will cut my aorta!" People who make silly claims like this usually aren't prophets. "I am a prophet! If I'm not, may God strike me with lightning....Ah, no lightning! This proves I'm a prophet." When someone uses that kind of reasoning, chances are, he's a false prophet, but that's exactly how Muhammad argues in Surah 69.

(Video clip: "So logically..." "If she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood!")

Second, even though these God-will-strike-me-down claims are usually enough to spot a false prophet, I believe that God sometimes makes things even more clear and obvious for us. If someone's running around saying, "I'm a prophet! God didn't strike me down," God might ignore him, but in some cases, God might decide to thoroughly disgrace and humiliate him. And if any false prophet in history was a candidate for divine judgment, it was Muhammad.

Now, Surah 69 was a Meccan surah, meaning that Muhammad was reciting this to his followers for years. He spent years telling his companions, "If I'm a false prophet, God's going to sever my aorta!" My friends, there are thousands of ways to die. Do you really think that it's a coincidence that Muhammad died in exactly the way the Qur'an said he would die if he's a deceiver and a false prophet? Looks like divine judgment to me.

Third, I don't wanna call Muhammad "stupid" because that wouldn't be politically correct, but let's think about this for a moment. Muhammad and his followers attack Khaibar. After the Muslims kill a bunch of men and rape a bunch of women—standard practice for Muslims back then—a Jewish woman comes up to Muhammad. Muslims had slaughtered her family, and she offers to cook dinner for Muhammad and his band of merry men. Muhammad accepts her offer. "Sure, I love lamb. So nice of you to cook dinner for us after we butchered your father and your husband." Look, if Muhammad doesn't have enough common sense to realize he probably shouldn't eat that lamb, why should we trust anything the comes out of his mouth? If a woman comes up to you and says, "Hi, you slaughtered my family! Care for a delicious meal?" And the only response you can think of is (Video clip: "Duh! Yeah, I think so.) Sorry. You're not a real prophet.

Fourth, despite the fact that Muslims had slaughtered her family, the Jewish woman, Zaynab, was actually open to the possibility that Muhammad was a prophet. She gave him the poison as a test. If you were a true prophet, you wouldn't eat it. If you were a false prophet, you'd die. Since Muhammad died from the poisoning, he failed Zaynab's test.

Fifth, Muhammad's companion, Bishr, who'd tasted the poison as soon as he put the lamb in his mouth. Why did he keep eating? He kept eating, because he believed in Muhammad. "There's no way this lamb is poisoned. Muhammad is eating it. He's the prophet!"

Bishr's faith in Muhammad got him killed; and I'm willing to lay this down as a rule: If I can't trust you with my dinner, I definitely can't trust you with my salvation. If you can't figure out what's waiting for you in food, how could you possibly know what's waiting for you in the afterlife?

(Video clip: "Ignorance is bliss.")

Sixth, when Zaynab told Muhammad that she had poisoned him, Muhammad said that Allah would never allow it! But Allah did allow it. So if Muhammad was wrong about Allah then, please explain to me why I should trust him when he tells me other things about Allah.

Seventh, Muhammad claimed that the lamb he was eating spoke to him and told him that it was poisoned. So he got a special revelation, because he was a prophet. Two questions: (1) Why didn't the roasted lamb say something five minutes earlier, which would've saved Muhammad's life (not to mention Bishr's life) and (2) Why did Muhammad need a revelation when you could taste the poison? Isn't this proof that Muhammad was actually making up revelations? Isn't it obvious that he tasted the poison, same as Bishr, but instead of saying, "Hey, I taste poison." He said, "It's speaking to me! I'm a prophet!" Sounds like a fake to me.

Eighth, think about the justice here. The justice is just a little too poetic. This can't be a coincidence. Muhammad did more than anyone else in history to provoke hatred against Jews. Muhammad did more than anyone else in history to oppress women. Muhammad told his followers that women are stupid. And then, Muhammad died a miserable, humiliating, wretched death after being outwitted by a JEWISH WOMAN.

So God didn't merely disgrace Muhammad by severing his aorta, thereby identifying him as a false prophet. God added to Muhammad's degradation by severing his aorta through the hands of a Jewish woman seeking vengeance against the man who had brought her community nothing but death and rape.

(Video clip: "Fair is fair! We didn't start this. We didn't mean it to happen, but we're not giving up 'til you pay. Fair is fair!")

Ninth, according to the Qur'an, when the Jews tried to kill Jesus, Allah intervened and rescued Him. This is Surah 4:157-58. Allah took Jesus safely to Paradise. He wouldn't give anyone the victory over Jesus. But when a group of Jews wanted to kill Muhammad, what happened? Allah sits back and watches as a woman poisons his prophet, and he does nothing as his prophet dies a humiliating death. Why does Allah protect Jesus from harm—zips Him straight to Paradise—then when he turns around and sees Muhammad wallowing in freakish misery, Allah doesn't lift a finger to help him. Sounds like Allah was showing a little favoritism. Don't mess with Jesus! Allah won't let you, but go ahead and feed Muhammad some rat poison and Allah doesn't care.

Finally, Muhammad's greatest wish was to die in battle.

Sahih al-Bukhari 2797 The Prophet said, ..."By Him in Whose Hands my soul is! I would love to be martyred in Allah's Cause and then come back to life and then get martyred, and then come back to life again and then get martyred and then come back to life again and then get martyred."

If you read the Muslim sources, you know that every time Muhammad wants something, Allah gives him a special revelation granting him what he desires. Muhammad wants to have sex with Aisha, Allah gives him a revelation. Muhammad wants more than four wives, Allah gives him a revelation. Muhammad wants to marry the divorced wife of his own adopted son, Allah gives him a revelation. Allah's got nothing to do but sit around all day making Muhammad's dreams come true.

(Video clip: "Well, I read about genies but I never thought they really... It's like something out of the Arabian nights.")

Muhammad's ultimate wish was to die in battle. It was his greatest desire. But instead of letting Muhammad die while fighting the Jews, Allah let's him die a disgraceful death, in utter agony at the hands of a Jewish woman. Death by leg of lamb.

After spending more than two decades granting Muhammad anything he wanted, Allah suddenly decides not to give Muhammad what he wanted most. It seems Allah had a change of heart.

Putting all this together, we found at least ten reasons to reject Islam just by examining Muhammad's death. If we look at how he lived, of course, we have another trillion or so reasons to conclude that he's a false prophet. What I find most interesting, though, is that Muslims will be upset with me for making this video. They'll complain about the movie clips I used. They'll complain about the things I've said. "David, how dare you put up a Weekend at Bernie's clip to illustrate what we read in Bukhari."

But let me be perfectly clear, nothing I've said about Muhammad comes anywhere near what God said about Muhammad. I'll go a step further, If you take everything that people have ever said or done to insult Muhammad—Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses, the Danish cartoons, people burning the Qur'an—if you take everything critical of Muhammad and roll it up into one big ball, that's nothing compared to the way that God insulted and condemned Muhammad. There's no comparison between some guy drawing a picture of Muhammad and God severing his aorta to humiliate him. God is the ultimate critic of Muhammad.

So, what are you going to do, my Muslim friends? Are you going to run around calling God an Islamophobic bigot because He insulted Muhammad? Or are you going to accept correction from the Almighty?

Islam means "submission". Muslims think it refers to submission to God—but God has already given His answer. He commands you to reject Muhammad. If you continue believing in Muhammad, what you're really saying is, "God can't make me stop believing in Muhammad. I don't care what God says. I believe in Muhammad anyway."

But in that case, Islam isn't submission to God. It's submission to Muhammad. If you care more about Muhammad than you care about God, you, guys, are living in Shirk Central.



David: That's right. I SOLVED the cold case, so put that in your file.
(listens)
David: No, I just wanna hear you to say it: "Colombo, ain't got nothin' on me!"


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1 comment:

  1. Grow Up...Sahih Sittah References Are Not Authentic For Shi'a. Another Fact Is That In Al-Qur'an 69:44-46 It Is HAVE Used In The Verse That Describes The Past Not The Future. Get Some Knowledge About Its Revelation. And Everything Will Be Cleared. These Verses Were Revealed In The Ghadir-e-Khum When Some People [From Among Those Who Believed In All Previous Revealed Verses] Thought That This Time Mohammad(s.a.w.w) Is Talking By Himself About The Wilayat Of Ali(a.s) And This Is Not The Revealation From Allah(s.w.t). Then Allah(s.w.t) Refuted Prophet(s.a.w.w) In These Verses. So Now Cut The Craps And Watch Movies Because You People Can Better Understand The Hollywood Movies Then You Can Understand Qur'an Or Bible.

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